Im at strip club and am horny
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
