Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
