I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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