Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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