I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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