He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
