There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
