this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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