did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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