there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
