I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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