and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
