I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
