hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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