I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
