i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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