I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize