I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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