so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
