Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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