is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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