Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
