Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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