I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
