I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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