WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
