i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
