people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
