I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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