I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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