At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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