did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
