arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I touched a dick in church today
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize