Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
