i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
