Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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