You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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