I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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