College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
