i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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