What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
