I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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