"it" just moved
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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