Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
this hospital has no fireball
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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