After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
