I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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