Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize