I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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