Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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