I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
