i think my tv is drunk
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
