I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
