If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My pussy is not your playground.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
