Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
