I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
