He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
