I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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