If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
