i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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