I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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