i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
