its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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