Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
