I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugly people sure do ruin things
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
