no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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