Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
