Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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