The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
