Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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