OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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