Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
