Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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