Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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