You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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