I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
