he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
