I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
