VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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