Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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