omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
