Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
