do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
