addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
