dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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