AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
