It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
