If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize