worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
