Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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