great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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