I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
