I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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