she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
