"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
