I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
