I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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