I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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