when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
