she smelled like a LAN party
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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