Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
